Vulnerable, weak and beautiful

Monday, July 5, 2016

Lately, I've become increasingly vulnerable, I was forced to let my guards down, have my family and friends step inside and take a look at who I am really, what I really think. I was shamed to tell them those things. I hated the idea of letting people know who I am. I loved myself, but not truly. I loved certain parts of me. I wanted to become someone else, who I was not. I wanted to be smart, nice, caring, innocent, loving, loving to anyone and everyone, non-discriminating, not-cursing, just a perfect person. I created the ideal self, and by doing this, I made myself lonely. The ideal self, is not me so I couldn't be honest with anyone. Because I was so afraid to be me, to be the one who curses, hates people, says mean things, not clean, not hardworking, not smart, not caring. I thought I was the only one who is like that that everyone in the world is nice and kind and honest and sincere except me. That in order to be part of that world I have to at least pretend to be nice. But then I realized that no person is perfect, but at least they knew they are imperfect and they come to openly acknowledge that. That was beautiful. There was a power coming from when people find out who they are and still decide accept and say 'I am beautiful the way I am, I love me' They shine. Not because they are amazing people, that they have no flaws, but there is a beauty flowing out when people know they are not perfect and accept it. Say that it is okay.